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I just realized how friken much I value people and relationships. 
I mean you never really know how much you like someone or love them until the relationship goes on hard terms, I guess thats how you know that you're crazy about them. 
My stomach gets this knot in the middle of it and its like I just want to scream or throw up or something like that. Or maybe both and then go and vomit some more. 
I hate my big mouth sometimes. Its one of my best and worst qualities and then the times that I should say something I dont and wish that I had. 
Like today I took A to the library for story time and we were walking around and she likes to babble to herself. She wasnt bothering a soul and we go in the corner of a section so I could check who had called me on my phone and this dumb ass woman who thinks shes so smart looks at me and glares. I say "sorry" and I start to walk away when she goes "its incredibly rude of your daughter to be making noise" I just stare at her and she yells "shush" to A. I wanted to go slap the shit out of that woman - no one will talk to my luv like that! I held my tongue though and gave her a tight smile and walked away and reported her to the librarian person. 
OK I feel a little bit better now, but I won't be getting to sleep if I dont get a response back from someone about something in a few minutes and I know that they are on the computer so it's driving me crazy!!! 
Still don't know what I want to do this summer- actually I know, but its not going to happen . I wish I was 18 so that I could go to another state by myself. I would love to go to NYC for a week and just experience it like a New Yorker. I'm totally fine with going alone so thats not a problem. And I work so I have the money. Its not like I have to save money for gas or anything since my invisible bat mobile wont be here until the Fall. ..............
sigh, what A LIFE. At least I'm getting a car..I think...

I spoke tonight at my old elementary/middle school and I brought my  best friend K with me. We both went there and we both spoke - something I wanted to do for a long time. I was so nervous, I don't even know what I said. Apparently I'm a good public speaker though. I would do it again in a heartbeat. For the longest time that was my home, my safe place. Thank God for my job becaus I wouldn't have one now. I went for a year in 9th grade without having one and that was a disaster....
ok going to go check for a response again and then go watch some 30 Rock to calm me down. I LOVE Tina Fey, she's definitly relatable to me and I want her job- I want to be like her one day!!!



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May 2008
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